Excuses

I haven't written much at all these last few weeks and it is making me very annoyed with myself. 

It is currently half 5 in the morning and I have been awake for an hour or so, wasting my time looking at Facebook - surely the most destructive force to personal progress that the world has ever known?! - and realise I should be being more productive. 

This blog is supposed to be the catalyst for my writing and improving my writing skills so that one day I will be able to write for a living and work from home and have the lifestyle I want. Recently I have been letting other things get in the way. Work has been crazy busy and I ended up doing 55+ hours this week, but other than that I don't have much in the way of excuses.

I guess I am writing this to try and understand why it is that I can ignore what I have set out to do with this project in favour of watching TV and sitting about doing nothing. This is supposed to be my gateway to a better life and the things I have always dreamed of and is immensely important to me, so why am I allowing myself to do get away with doing nothing? 

The honest answer is that I am lazy and have allowed myself to take no responsibility for this abject complacency of mine. By not directly facing up to it before now, I have been able to deny the issue exists and avoid addressing it. This in turn has meant that I haven't had to acknowledge the way it makes me feel about myself, which is inherently unpleasant to say the least! By not acknowledging the issue, it effectively doesn't exist and I don't have to question myself - it's a form of inadvertent self defence, but very counterproductive. 

I really do want to change my life for the better and I realise that my biggest challenge will certainly be me. I have to face up to my own shortcomings and then overcome them if I am ever to succeed. This will be permanent record of my thoughts on this subject and remove the option for me to ignore my sloth. 

Therefore, in future if I don't write for a while I will have to feel bad until it makes me write! Hopefully this will be a positive way of reinforcing the enjoyment I get out of writing, making me a more productive person and getting me another step closer to my goals. 

Now I think I will reward myself by making Vicky and I a cup of tea - see, I'm more productive already!