Excuses

I haven't written much at all these last few weeks and it is making me very annoyed with myself. 

It is currently half 5 in the morning and I have been awake for an hour or so, wasting my time looking at Facebook - surely the most destructive force to personal progress that the world has ever known?! - and realise I should be being more productive. 

This blog is supposed to be the catalyst for my writing and improving my writing skills so that one day I will be able to write for a living and work from home and have the lifestyle I want. Recently I have been letting other things get in the way. Work has been crazy busy and I ended up doing 55+ hours this week, but other than that I don't have much in the way of excuses.

I guess I am writing this to try and understand why it is that I can ignore what I have set out to do with this project in favour of watching TV and sitting about doing nothing. This is supposed to be my gateway to a better life and the things I have always dreamed of and is immensely important to me, so why am I allowing myself to do get away with doing nothing? 

The honest answer is that I am lazy and have allowed myself to take no responsibility for this abject complacency of mine. By not directly facing up to it before now, I have been able to deny the issue exists and avoid addressing it. This in turn has meant that I haven't had to acknowledge the way it makes me feel about myself, which is inherently unpleasant to say the least! By not acknowledging the issue, it effectively doesn't exist and I don't have to question myself - it's a form of inadvertent self defence, but very counterproductive. 

I really do want to change my life for the better and I realise that my biggest challenge will certainly be me. I have to face up to my own shortcomings and then overcome them if I am ever to succeed. This will be permanent record of my thoughts on this subject and remove the option for me to ignore my sloth. 

Therefore, in future if I don't write for a while I will have to feel bad until it makes me write! Hopefully this will be a positive way of reinforcing the enjoyment I get out of writing, making me a more productive person and getting me another step closer to my goals. 

Now I think I will reward myself by making Vicky and I a cup of tea - see, I'm more productive already! 

Detox Diet Part 2

Today is day nine of the detox, which means it is the last day. Back to normal tomorrow.

My final weigh in revealed another loss of a pound, bringing my total up to 11. I'm glad about this to say the least. Any loss would have been a positive but I also feel that I should have lost this much for the torture the first part was!

The second half has not been quite has traumatising as the first. I have almost got into a bit of  a routine now. I'm still not used to the aloe, and even though we are finished the scheme, there is still almost a whole bottle of the stuff left, and as it was so expensive, I shall be 'enjoying' it until it is all gone (about another 2 weeks by my calculations). I have taken the other supplements without prompting, and have even got used to not eating anything solid until the evening. 

This second half has not been without it's other challenges though. The last two days I have finished work late, meaning that when I should normally be walking through the door and having a drink whilst preparing dinner, I have been instead sat in my car in queuing traffic with nothing much else to think about than food. I don't do hungry well - Mike tends to describe me as someone who suffers with 'Hanger.' This is a condition which means that I get very VERY irate if I don't get fed within a very short time of originally feeling 'a bit peckish' as I normally describe it. This quickly deteriorates to 'about to naw my own arm off' and that is when the hanger sets in.

Being stuck in a car when you are severely hangry is not good for public safety.

My attitudes to the detox have not changed in this second half. I am still conscious of the fact that I can actually survive without nourishment every few hours, and it turns out I do not have a life threatening cake deficiency, so can indeed go longer than a day (or even a morning) without having to top up the diminishing levels of cakey goodness in my bloodstream. 

So as to continue our journey and not waste all the hard work we have done this past 9 days, we have made 3 new rules, which I hope to stick to in the coming weeks and months.

1. Smaller portions. Something that Mike is certainly struggling with is getting into the habit of weighing and measuring everything so we know how many calories we are consuming. He is very much the sort of cook who throws it all in and tastes it as he goes. I have always been a bit more anal about this (you have to be when you have my genes - thanks mum!) and so it has been my job to measure all the ingredients whilst he cooks. This does mean we spend time together in the kitchen, but he does get a bit annoyed when I'm in his way! 

2. Wine at weekends only. Both of us love a drink and before this is was not unusual for us to have up to 4 bottles over the week. This is expensive and also bad for the waistline. I have definitely noticed myself being more perky and sleeping better in the week, so this is one I intend to keep up!

3. Drink more water. I am positive that the only thing that has got me through this is drinking lots and lots of water. I know I do not drink enough and so I shall be endeavouring to hit my target of 2 litres every day, so I don't snack as much.

So I suppose the moral of this story is that whilst the task may be hard and the goal appears a long way off, the hard work will pay off in the end, and you may learn a little bit about yourself along the way. Never again shall I have 3 slices of cake in one day (except for my birthday, when anything goes!).

Birds, Beaches and Buried Treasure

Today we went for a walk at Hengistbury Head. After a slow morning, made all the better by having an extra hour in bed (thank you daylight savings time - easily the best thing about british summer time ending for another year!), drinking tea and watching the sun come up through the bedroom window. We donned our warm clothes and headed out into the sunshine.

Arriving at the car park, we were greeted by a delightful gentlemen (a middle to late aged man with a very stylishly waxed and manicured moustache and Lennon-esque circular sunglasses!) who gave us his parking ticket with a little over an hour on it. After considering whether this would be long enough, we decided to go with it and made our way to the cafe, where the path around the coastline starts.

First, a strategic visit to the ladies. Mike always smirks when I do this, because I have this small fear that I will get caught short and so whenever the opportunity arises I take it. Better safe than sorry! This need to "spend a penny" can reach absurd levels when we are in the forest for the day. We will normally visit several carparks and virtually every carpark in the forest has a public restroom. Vicky can end up using 4 or 5 public restrooms in one day - something a lot of people would be horrified at the thought of!

Then into the visitors centre. Despite having walked around this beautiful part of the world I have never been into the visitors centre. It is a new building, with wooden beams and clean white walls. There is a little exhibition which we took cursory glance at, playing with the parts of the displays meant for the children because it's more fun than reading the signs! There was a very nice, if baffling, display of carbonised crab apples. I'm sure it had some significant relevance and had I taken the time to read the bumf I would have understood it, but to me it was basically a basket of small, burnt fruit which I childishly mocked under my breath.

Outside, we commence the circular walk around the headland. It's a warm sunny day, considering it is the end of October, and people are out in their masses. A perfect time to people watch and chuckle at the parts of conversations we overhear. To our left, there is the marshland looking over to Mudeford. Egrets, seagulls and ducks go about their business, fishing and swimming on the shadow waters. To our right, meadows for cattle to graze on and pheasants to argue over the best food and partners.

We walk on, admiring other peoples dogs and standing to one side to allow the land train to go past. I always think this is cheating and that the people riding past are missing out on chances to stop and watch the world go by. Sometimes I just like to stop and look or listen to nature, take in my surroundings and enjoy the fact that I am lucky enough to live in such a spectacular part of the world. Whizzing past on the land train, these people are missing out on just pausing and absorbing the countryside and everything that lives in it.

Eventually we reached the water. We mill around the shoreline, looking for shells and other treasure, before realising that the time is getting on and soon our parking ticket will expire. We pick up the pace. Walking along pebbles is not easy at the best of times, let alone when you are in a bit of a rush, and the distance back to the car is a little longer than we anticipated. In short we are half an hour or more's walk away and the ticket will expire in the next 5 minutes! Its a shame to rush along on a glorious sunny day when you are walking along the beach, but I still do my best to hurry us along - I do not want a fine and there will certainly be more sunny days to enjoy!

I keep my head down, watching my ankles wobble from side to side trying to keep me upright. I miss a lot of the view as a result, only looking up to see how much further we have to go. I do however then spot some other delights that may have been missed if I wasn't looking. Small wild flowers in pinks and whites. Photos are taken and we march on.

I concentrate on not making a fool of myself by tripping over stones. I do not have the strongest ankles considering my stature, and they often fail me when I least expect it, hence my need to observe my footing. Whilst I am not looking at the gorgeous scenery, this does give me ample opportunity to listen to snippets of conversations, and chuckle to myself. While Vicky chuckles to herself, I keep my eyes peeled for exciting things by the shoreline and stumble across the shell of a spider crab.

After a small age, we arrive back at the grassland next to the car park. Now I'm positively roasting in all my warm layers, and my calves have been bitten countless numbers of times. Swearing under my breath, I try not to scratch them and ponder the only downside to a warm Autumn - Mozzies! Fortunately, my legs weren't bitten by any buzzing insects, but my head and neck were! I end up with a lump on my temple and the back of my neck the size of peanut M&Ms! 

Climbing into the car, I disrobe my warm cardigan (or coatigan, as it was named on the label!) and contemplate the prospect of a nice cup of tea at home. The sun is still warm and I stare into the sea as we drive along the coastline. This really is a wonderful place to live.